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Posts Tagged ‘interpersonal’

Secrets of Charisma, part 2

Posted in Step Up, tagged , , on November 26, 2011| 1 Comment »

A grey magnet

This post is a continuation of Secrets of Charisma, part 1 and it is meant to be read in order.

7) Stop correcting.

If he makes a grammatical mistake while he’s arguing with you, don’t correct it just so you can be right about something.

If she doesn’t get the details quite right as she’s recounting your last adventure to a friend, don’t jump down her throat because of a minor detail. If it’s important, you can fill in the gaps or tell your side of the story when she’s finished.

If someone makes a mistake that can’t be corrected, stop bringing it up!　 Focus on what you can change, not on what you can’t. Make people feel good about their decisions.

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Tame The Beast – Overcome Jealousy

Posted in Get The Girl!, tagged , , , on November 20, 2011| 2 Comments »

Green cat eyes

Jealousy is a beast that must be kept on a leash unless you want to end up on the wrong end of it. There are really 2 aspects to jealousy: (1) antagonism towards someone who has something you want, and (2) a compulsion to guard something you have to prevent its loss. In the first case, the focus is on what you don’t have; in the second, on what you won’t have. For the sake of discussion, we can think of them as Envy versus Fear of Loss.

In a way, Envy is like the good twin that can be allowed a longer leash. The reason being, through deliberate planning and action, envy can transform into unstoppable motivation. An enviable life can be modeled to better your own. You simply need to define the intermediate steps that would bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. For example, if you want to make a billion dollars but it seems beyond your grasp, then first focus on how to make a million dollars. And if a million dollars still seems surreal, then first focus on how to make 100,000 dollars. Keep breaking up your goal into smaller bits until you can emotionally digest it as a possibility.

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Live Your Life, Get More Dates

Posted in Get The Girl!, tagged , , , , on November 16, 2011| 4 Comments »

A drum and drumsticks

Here’s an all too common occurence. Guy meets Girl. She seems cooler than the last girl he dated or someone who he finds to be especially attractive. He gets her number and starts texting her. So far, so good.

But then no matter what he’s doing at the time–eating, sleeping, driving–as soon as his phone goes off, he immediately stops whatever he’s doing to check to see if it’s her. He’s so excited that he’ll compulsively check his messages even when his phone doesn’t go off. If she calls him while he’s on the phone, he’ll hang up on his friend, his brother, or even his poor old mother.

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Secrets of Charisma, part 1

Posted in Step Up, tagged , , on November 12, 2011| 2 Comments »

A Red Magnet

Charisma is all about making people feel good. The more confidence and purpose you can instill in people, the more magnetic you become. It may not be obvious, but respect is a necessary precondition. Think about the most charismatic person you know. Does he not only make you feel good about yourself, but commands your respect as well?

Sucking up, false flattery, or bending over backwards for someone who hardly cares about you is the opposite of charismatic. Don’t be fooled. Though these actions appear to elevate people, your own debasement makes mutual respect impossible. You cannot pull someone up from below; you will merely be stroking their ego.

Charisma comes naturally to some while others have to actively work on it. Those who attract people intuitively understand these secrets, while those who repel do so because they consistently fail to grasp them.

1) Be cool.
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Why Not To Be Racist

Posted in Step Up, tagged , , on September 28, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Black Sheep

Do I think race exists?

Yes.

Does being a member of a particular group tend to confer certain advantages and disadvantages?

Yeah, I think so.

Do East Africans really make the best runners and Vietnamese the best poker players?

Probably.

Just google it. It’s unnervingly hard to attribute their success to vague reasons like “peer approval” or “cultural legacy.”

But I’ve also met Ethiopians that couldn’t run to save their lives and Vietnamese who have lost their livelihoods in a run at the tables. See, even if there truly are genetic, physiological, and neurological disparities between groups, that doesn’t guarantee YOU anything. You are still an individual.

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