Choose to Take the Journey

Charisma is all about making people feel good. The more confidence and purpose you can instill in people, the more magnetic you become. It may not be obvious, but respect is a necessary precondition. Think about the most charismatic person you know. Does he not only make you feel good about yourself, but commands your respect as well?

Sucking up, false flattery, or bending over backwards for someone who hardly cares about you is the opposite of charismatic. Don’t be fooled. Though these actions appear to elevate people, your own debasement makes mutual respect impossible. You cannot pull someone up from below; you will merely be stroking their ego.

Charisma comes naturally to some while others have to actively work on it. Those who attract people intuitively understand these secrets, while those who repel do so because they consistently fail to grasp them.

1) Be cool.
Don’t ever treat anyone as being beneath you. Whether she’s your waitress or your doorman, be courteous to everyone. You’d be surprised how often doing so will score you free dessert at your favorite restaurant or a skip to the front of the line at your favorite club (not that you intended it). You’d also be surprised to find how often not doing so will get you spit soup and a frozen spit margarita.

2) You go first.
When meeting new people, put yourself out there. Be the first one to express who you are. To make a joke. To tell a story. Most people are pretty reserved with strangers, but by going first, you make it easier for them to join the party that is you. Be a good host and hold the door open.

3) Don’t just ask, do tell.
Instead of just probing them with 20 questions to determine their interests, talk about your own. If you become interested in a topic he or she broached, by all means, continue. But if it is something you could care less about, don’t feign interest with a slew of obvious questions that make you look like a bonehead. Sometimes a change of topic is in order.

4) Let them talk.
If you are talking to a child and he cuts you off, do you feel angry?  Do you feel the need to go back to your previous conversational topic?  I’m willing to bet you just let him talk.  Who cares?  It’s just a child.  You have nothing to prove and no need to convince him of anything, so you are generous.  Extend this generosity to everyone.  Be present in the moment, be a good listener, and ride the conversational flow.

5) Fire them up!
Whenever people try something new, something outside their comfort zone, they will feel vulnerable. During this time, they are particularly sensitive to criticism as well as praise. Therefore, encourage them. Draw attention to the positives and impassion them to continue.

Avoid shooting holes in their method or their work. Chances are, they’ll figure out their mistakes on their own. And if they don’t, you can tell them down the line, not in the beginning. Sometimes the urge to criticize, though seemingly motivated by the desire to help, may actually stem from feelings of jealousy. But suppress the urge. Applaud them for their courage and you will have a friend for life.

6) Be a help, not a hindrance.
If you must criticize, offer a solution. If you’re going to be a know-it-all, be a go-getter as well. Take the next logical step in your mind and propose a new direction. Keep the ball rolling down the hill, not mired in quicksand.

//More to come. Do you have your own secrets of charisma? Please divulge below.