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Archive for February, 2012

A tree sprouting inside a mind

Have you ever felt dissatisfied with your life, and at the same time, not wanted to do anything about it?

When you’re in the doldrums, there’s a tendency to want to stay there. There’s a tendency to dismiss your ambitions–to take your foot off the gas pedal and just hope for the best. This inclination only increases the more time you spend down and out. Like standing in the rain in a wool coat, it only becomes harder to shake off the longer you wait.

Occassionally, willpower alone will be enough to sweep aside the dark clouds. But very often, you just don’t feel like it. I mean, you know what you should do. You know what you could do. But you just don’t feel like it. Often times you can’t change your mind without first changing your mood.

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Palm trees swaying

Well, I’m back from Southeast Asia and I continue to put my life back in order. The transition from New York to California continues to be a difficult one. Car search. Job search. Girlfriend search (without a car). And no real computer. Just this ancient netbook I’m typing on that has “Leonardo waz here, 1480” scratched into the side. I left behind a great life on the East Coast. *sigh*

I’m a bit of a control freak. I always alwaysalways and sometimes like to be in control. And the fact that I have yet to establish myself here in California is making it all the more difficult to really enjoy myself. But I do feel that this, my 5 minutes of darkness, has allowed me to make finer psychological distinctions that will lead to a more brilliant life down the road.

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