Choose to Take the Journey

Jealousy is a beast that must be kept on a leash unless you want to end up on the wrong end of it. There are really 2 aspects to jealousy: (1) antagonism towards someone who has something you want, and (2) a compulsion to guard something you have to prevent its loss. In the first case, the focus is on what you don’t have; in the second, on what you won’t have. For the sake of discussion, we can think of them as Envy versus Fear of Loss.

In a way, Envy is like the good twin that can be allowed a longer leash. The reason being, through deliberate planning and action, envy can transform into unstoppable motivation. An enviable life can be modeled to better your own. You simply need to define the intermediate steps that would bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. For example, if you want to make a billion dollars but it seems beyond your grasp, then first focus on how to make a million dollars. And if a million dollars still seems surreal, then first focus on how to make 100,000 dollars. Keep breaking up your goal into smaller bits until you can emotionally digest it as a possibility.

A fantasy is nothing more than a dream which is currently beyond your grasp. A dream is merely the final scenario comprising many small goals. And a goal is just a destination to be reached once you’ve taken enough steps in the right direction. No one ever climbed to the summit of Mount Everest by making that their first and only stop.

Fear of Loss, the evil twin of Envy, is a much bigger pain in the butt. You can never really eliminate this fear, because in life, nothing is a guarantee. When your security is threatened, fear is what keeps you vigilant. To never feel any fear of loss would be to invite disaster.

Of all the times that jealousy rears its hideous head, the most emotionally charged is when you fear losing a romantic partner. Being able to navigate this thicket will give you a good handle on the beast. Notice how when you feel jealous, your imagination runs wild. By not knowing exactly what your partner is up to, a mental vacuum is created. With nothing to latch onto, your mind overcompensates by filling this vacuum with pictures of worst-case scenarios.

But what you imagine is usually far worse than reality. 9 out of 10 times, you will be far over-shooting your mark. Realize this and remind yourself of all the reasons why your mental horror picture show is unlikely. Then, move your focus onto something else entirely. Focus on living your own life rather than how your partner is living hers. Stay poised, and she will try to figure out the source of your strength. If she is busy wondering how you are so certain of yourself, the last thing on her mind is infidelity.

What about the other 1 in 10 times? Unfortunately, even if your confidence is legendary, your partner may still cheat on you or leave you for someone else altogether. In that case, there’s nothing you can really do about it. Whether you keep it together, or you worry yourself sick, the outcome would have been the same regardless. But by allowing your imagination to run amuck and your jealousy to grow unchecked, you will not only lose your partner, but your self in the process. Take solace. Know that the more often you practice taming your jealousy, the quieter its snarls for attention become. That’s all anyone can do.

//Do you have your own way of taming the beast?  Please share below.