Words can hurt much more than sticks and stones. They can stab your heart deeper than the sharpest stick. They can pound your resolve harder than the heaviest stone. But they can also lift your spirits more than any amount of material wealth. Words have the incredible power to create or destroy belief by focusing or distorting the lenses through which you view the world.
So how do you recover from an ambush of two-faced slander? How do you deflect a barrage of insults? How do you defend against a sustained siege of condescension?
I’ll be honest, it’s not easy. It’s something I struggle with every now and again. Erecting personal walls to keep criticism out also serves to keep praise out, and granting entry of another’s praise leaves one open to double cross in the future. There is no way around it; you either care about a particular person’s opinion, or you do not. It’s easy to say “Don’t worry about what other people think,” but the reality is unless you live on a deserted island of your own conception, you will care what somebody thinks. Most likely they will be someone close to you: a friend, a family member, a significant other. You have already shared your hopes and your fears, your tears and your laughter. You have already allowed them inside your walls. Therefore, their capacity to hobble you exceeds that of even your greatest enemy.
So what do you do when an attack comes from the inside?
The only solution I have found is to create and maintain a mental space, an inner sanctum that is governed by a final arbitrator. Just as your gatekeeper at the walls determines friend from foe, your arbitrator distinguishes between constructive words and destructive ones.
1) Ask yourself: Is their criticism valid? If not, reject it.
2) Ask yourself: Is their criticism helpful? If not, reject it.
However, if their criticism is both valid and helpful, then accept it, because it is your ability to carry the weight of their words, even painful ones, that makes you a stronger person.
Choose to Take the Journey 
Criticism can be seen as an opportunity to evaluate ourselves, a reality check against our own hubris and stupidity. Your method of objective evaluation is good action to eliminate false external opinion from the truth we need to hear.
Well said, Alex! I agree completely.
I agree. I also think both constructive and destructive messages can be intertwined and are a challenge to extricate. When I worked fast food, I received a slew of criticism which was typically valid and helpful. But I could never distill these messages from the hostility behind them, which were simultaneously attacking my face and character, though ostensibly training me, through contextual messages and paralanguage.
That’s rough. I’ve definitely been through similar. My advice would be to paraphrase their criticism into your own words. That way, when it comes time to make the necessary adjustments to your behavior, you hear your own voice in your head rather than theirs.
The author is bringing up some very important points about criticism. What’s underlying and worthy of pointing out is that unbeknownst to popular belief, it is the receiver who is in control during the criticism exchange. This is the premise that I operate from and have described in the books I have written on the subject. Where receivers are challenged is learning how utilize the control that is inherently theirs.
This brings up the second important point and that is being an effective receiver is very much a skill set. Receivers need to be good listeners and they need to be effective at differentiating good quality criticism from poor quality criticism.
Thank you doctor for your thoughtful response. Even if one cannot control others, one can always filter what comes in and thus control one’s experience with others