Choose to Take the Journey

Đẹp Trai Không Bằng Chay Mặt.
Good-looks Don’t Trump a Calloused Face
-Vietnamese (Street) Proverb

I had dinner with a friend last night, a friend who happens to be good-looking, fun, successful, and a massive pimp (or used to be)–sorry ladies, he’s taken.  And we started discussing why some of our mutual friends were successful with women–either happily married or SBC (Single By Choice)–while others were unmarried and SNBC.

The “standard” explanation is that it’s all about Looks, Money, and Achievement.  Rather than tackle this notion head on, I’ll just share what my friend had to say in quotes, followed by my own humble 2 cents.

Looks

“You know what they say in Vietnam, ‘Good-looks don’t trump a calloused face.'”

What this means is basically if you’re thick-skinned and persistent enough, you’ll outcompete a guy who’s better-looking.  It’s true that my friend is not bad-looking, but he also never shied away from competing with better-looking guys, where persistence usually paid off.  As an aside, remember that persisting is quite different from pestering.

Money

“The only real currency is fun.”

Well, money is important.  You need it to fund your nights out, your fly clothes, and your dating itinerary.  But I think what my friend means is that assuming you’ve got enough Money, Fun will attract more bees than Honey.

By the way, Fun doesn’t necessarily mean ostentatious; it can also be very personal.  I remember on my first date with the Temptress, we had fun talking about food, dating (a favorite topic of mine), and family.  As our relationship matured, we preferred stories of work drama, debates over who’s the bigger nerd (she is)*, and predictions about who will be married next.

Achievement

“You don’t need shit.  Just be awesome and not the little weenie in the corner of the room.”

Maybe he was a little inebriated by this point, I don’t know.  But here’s my take:

You should still work on your dreams, but just because they’re not fully realized yet, that shouldn’t stop you from letting loose.  Don’t let it be an excuse to not put yourself out there.  If you have trouble, feel free to borrow the process I use.

Looks, Money, and Achievement might matter, but not nearly as much as most would have you believe.

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*Just kidding. I know I’m the bigger nerd :p