Choose to Take the Journey

The title to this piece may seem to fly in the face of street sense and even hard-thought wisdom, but allow me to elaborate.

For now, let’s set aside the “Master Your Mind” part of the equation.

Many guys, including those whom I consider to be among my most respected and well-loved friends, readily grasp that getting the girl cannot be had without stepping up. That is to say, they understand you can’t have something for nothing.  You want the princess?  Go become the prince.

But those same guys, including a few of my good friends unfortunately, quickly lose their drive once they enter into a long-term relationship.  Some blame their age.  Some blame dwindling testosterone levels.  Some even blame the relationship itself (read: they blame the girl) and they end their couplehood, thinking persistent singledom to be the panacea to their every woe.  But to do so would be to confuse cause with correlation.

The real solution to their waning masculinity (something that I’ve also wrestled with) is the following:

Keep stepping up even after the girl is already gotten.

Sounds simple enough.  You want her to keep being attracted to you so you keep going at it, right?

Well, not exactly.

Any guy who has had at least some relationship experience will tell you that always needing to “work on” the girl only makes sense in theory.  In practice, once the girl is gotten, most guys will start to relax.   You take your foot off the gas a bit because deep down you know you do deserve her.  And that’s a good thing.

Had you been constantly feeling the need to spin plates, then the game would have already been lost.  The girl would have already been lost.  And a guy who loses a girl this way will often convince himself that it’s because he wasn’t spinning hard enough–or perhaps, not enough plates.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying don’t invest in your relationship–no, keep investing.  Love your girlfriend or your wife.  Surprise her.  Delight her.  Satisfy her.  But then realize you need to step up, again.  Not for her, you understand, but for you.  Find a new source of motivation.  A new journey.  And the way to do that?  Dig.

No one can tell you exactly where to dig or for how long, but from personal experience, I can tell you, it’s going to be deep.  At the same time, let me assure you that what you gain is more than just a little worthwhile.  You’ll understand who you are better than ever before.  And there is no knowledge in this world quite as valuable as knowledge of yourself.