Choose to Take the Journey

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

No, just kidding. That’s not it. When I first started approaching girls (click here to read about it), I started to obsess over the perfect pickup line. Every guy and his sister gave me their unsolicited opinion on the matter, and not knowing any better, I tried everything. There are really too many lines out there to discuss them all, but aside from just complimenting the girl, most utilize one of the following angles…

Situational: Comment on the situation at hand.
Ex: She is reading a book at a café.
“What are you reading?”

The advantage of this approach is that it is low risk, low commitment. After all, you can always pretend to be “just curious,” if you get rejected. But then again, there’s a saying: high risk, high reward.

New in Town: Ask for directions.
Ex: A girl walks by.
“Excuse me, how do I get to Sunset Boulevard?”

This approach is no risk, no commitment. Theoretically, you could transition into a conversation, but most likely she’ll be weirded out if you try to extend the chat. Don’t ask for directions unless you actually need them.

Advice: Ask her thoughts on something.
Ex: You’re at the mall.
“How does this shirt look on me?”

You can actually get into some pretty lively conversations assuming both you and the other party are interested in the topic at hand. Incidentally, this is also a great way to develop some fashion sense if you have none. But I say, just wear whatever you like. Don’t worry about what some random stranger thinks, no matter what she looks like.

It’s You!: Fake like you know her.
Ex. You look at her as if she looks familiar.
“Katie! How are you?!”

I mean, I guess you could start a conversation this way, but it’s pretty much dead after she realizes that the two of you don’t actually know each other and that her name, in fact, is not Katie.

So what do all of these angles have in common?

They reek of disingenuousness and hidden agenda. The appeal of the pickup line is the fantasy that there is some special way to make any girl like you, whether through humor, cleverness, or by getting her to feel like you “understand” her. Well, I’ve got news for any guys out there who are obsessed with pickup lines (as I was). They don’t work. And trust me, I’m not saying that as some kind of feel-good, pandering-to-women kind of comment. If you could get women to instantly fall in love with you by saying, for instance, “koala bear,” I would already be part of a growing army of men roaming the streets of every major city in the world yelling out “koala bear” at the top of our lungs.

No, the best pickup line is the following:

“Hi.”

That’s it.

It can be used in any situation, at any time, and in any language.  Does it always work? Of course not. But when it does “work,” it’s because it requires you to be real, to be vulnerable. When you go up to a girl and say hi to her, you are communicating that you would like to talk to her, if not romantically, at least socially. At that point, she can either choose to talk to you, or not.

Our cultural obsession with pickup lines is a symptom of something deeper that is rampant in modern society. That is, fear of rejection. Most people would rather hide behind a cloak of pretext, excuses, and social posturing to minimize their chances of getting rejected. But you see, there’s no way around it. Just as you know that a homeless person wants money from you no matter what he talks about, the girl knows that you are interested in talking to her no matter how you approach. So rather than searching for the perfect line, you need to just put yourself on the line. High risk, high reward.

Besides, it’s not the introductory line, but what you say afterwards that really matters…