Choose to Take the Journey

First, draw lips on your hand and practice. Just kidding. This post isn’t about the actual mechanics of kissing, but rather how to successfully plant that first smooch on your sweetheart-to-be.

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Lower East Side, New York City

I’m on the dance floor at La Caverna, absorbed by the loud music and spinning lights.  I feel like a wooden puppet, animated by the energy streaming through me.  Halfway across the room, I spot a slender brunette with a doll face–just my type. I basically like 2 kinds of girls: ones who look adorable, and Katy Perry. Her eyes lock onto mine drawing my body toward her like a helpless lamb being led to slaughter. I grab her hand as our dance rhythms begin to meld. Her eyes are glued to mine like sticky taffy. I can’t help myself.  I go in for the kiss.

She turns her face away.

I laugh. “Ok, we’ll do this the proper way.” I continue, “What’s your name?”

She laughs. “Now you ask my name.”

We exchange some basic personal info, but the music is too loud for us to have a real conversation. So we just dance for a bit before I hand her my phone to take her number.

The next morning I think to myself, “I blew it. I tried to kiss her way too early and got rejected.” I call her anyway just to leave a voicemail and thank her for the dance.

*Riiing* *Click* I’m greeted by a welcoming voice, “Hi there.”

I’m perplexed. Apparently, it’s still on. I force myself to snap out of it and start talking. We end up chatting for an hour before I realize our chemistry doesn’t go very far beyond the dance floor. It’s a few months before I’m able to make sense of Doll Face.

Queens, New York

I meet a smoky (yet still adorable) redhead at a party my friend and I are hosting. She and I hang out for a while before I decide it’s a good time to kiss her. We’re off to the side, away from prying eyes. I cup her face with my hand and lean in for the kiss.

She turns her face away! God, my timing sucks… I like her, so I keep hanging out with her anyway. The conversation goes down as smoothly as a shot of Patrón, or rather, because of it. As we approach the wee hours of the night, she surprises me by asking me out for the following night.

“Yeah, ok. Dinner sounds great.” I act cool, but inside I’m beaming like a fat kid in a donut shop.

The dinner turns into late-night drinks. Before you know it, casual and not-so-casual touches are flying back and forth, the conversation is flowing, and she is the one to initiate the kiss.

!!

“I’ve been wanting to do that since yesterday,” I say.

“I know,” she says. “I knew you liked me.”

“And when did you know you liked me back?” I ask.

“I was surprised you didn’t get upset when I turned away from your kiss,” she explains. “I like that you went for it, but weren’t pushy about it. I liked your confidence.”

A light bulb suddenly went off in my head. Doll Face wasn’t interested despite my failed attempt. She was intrigued because of my attempt in the first place. As for Smoky Red, she would have never kissed me if I had not put myself out there first. Most girls, no matter how much they like you, will wait for you to make the first move. She will let you die on the vine before taking the lead in the courtship. She may believe in gender equality, and so do I, but a man must still be a man.

You see, the timing of the first kiss is not so important as the action itself. You don’t have to get wound up in anticipation of the clichéd end-of-the-date kiss at her doorstep. You don’t have to wait for Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid” to pop his head up from the lagoon and sing “sha-la-la-la-la-la, kiss the girl.” By then, the pressure may be unbearable. For both of you.

You could look for signs that she’s ready, but sometimes you might be so nervous or her signals so cryptic that you won’t even know when the perfect moment has come and gone. But truthfully, there is no perfect moment. Every girl and every situation is different. So just go for it. If she rejects you because she’s not ready, you haven’t lost anything. If she rejects you because she’s not interested, you also haven’t lost anything. But if you don’t go for it, you will have already rejected yourself. And that’s one kind of rejection that no one should have to go through.

//A final caveat: I hate that I have to say the following because it doesn’t apply to most people. But sometimes you have to spell it out for the few to whom it does apply. No means No. No does NOT mean try harder or be more aggressive. It means back off. Relax. Be cool. Thanks for reading to the end! See you soon.

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