Choose to Take the Journey

A lot of what I write deals with overcoming adversity, taking on new challenges, or navigating the complex web of human relations. I write these under the assumption that you are able to exert some measure of control on your external environment. However, there will be occassions for which there seems to be no adequate recourse:

Heartbreak. Betrayal at the hands of a friend. A merciless twist of fate.

Unlike realizing you’ve been driving the wrong way in life and just need to make a U-turn, an inability to change your situation feels more like riding a train from hell. There’s not much you can do besides endure the ride until it has completed its course. You’ll feel lousy as you sort through your foggy memories and unanswered questions. But don’t deny the process. Allow it to happen. Powerful feelings need a chance to bubble up to the surface in order to dissipate.

Finding closure is an important part of the healing process, but so is grieving. You need to find a way to purge your emotions before you can feel normal again. In other words, you’ll have to board that miserable train and take that painful journey when all is said and done. Sometimes it will seem as if the suffering will never end, but have faith. It will. It just takes time…

…

Has a long time passed and you still don’t see an end to your anguish? Just remember that even if you are powerless to effect change externally, you can always guide yourself internally. Here are some milestones you may want to hit:

Break-Ups and Betrayals

1. Accept everything exactly the way it is. Everything.

2. If you had any fault in perpetuating your misfortune, accept responsibility for it.

3. Identify weaknesses in yourself that may have brought about this fault and resolve to fix them. Do not blame yourself for any weaknesses in the other person that may have brought about any fault they had in it.

4. Imagine a life without this person. Then go out and live it.

Bereavement

1. Accept everything exactly the way it is. Everything.

2. You are not at fault for perpetuating this misfortune. Do not accept responsibility for it.

3. Identify any regrets you may have (like not spending enough time with them, or telling them what they mean to you) and channel that energy into the people who are still in your life (by spending more time with them, and telling them how you feel).

4. Realize that this person has lost their life and will never get it back. I’m sure they would want you to go out and live yours.