Choose to Take the Journey

“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.”
-Archimedes

In middle school, I was voted most likely to be a male nun. One of my best friends was voted most likely to be a pooper scooper, and another friend, most likely to be a deodorant tester. Out of all the positive superlatives available (e.g. most likely to be a millionaire), we were saddled with the most unflattering ones. The ironic thing was the votes were coming from fellow GATE (Gifted And Talented Education) classmates. In other words, even among nerds, my friends and I were considered to be bigger nerds.

Throughout high school and even into my first year of college, I remained a nerd at large. At best, some of my peers would agree that I had become kingpin of the nerds. During my second year of college, still with no girlfriend, I began to worry if my middle school prophecy would really be fulfilled.

One Tuesday night in the dormitory, after a weekly game of Risk (a board game that was all the rage), my friend Rafael and I had a conversation about our shyness.

“I read this article from askmen.com,” he started. “If you want to overcome your shyness, you have to approach 5 strangers a day for 30 days. And you have to do it without some excuse like asking for the time.”

“What? That’s impossible,” I objected. But I thought it over for a minute. “Maybe…”

“Maybe…?” Rafael repeated after me, his words trailing off expectantly.

“Maybe, what is possible is 1 stranger a day for 7 days.”

“You…” he shook his head. “Even that sounds like too much…”

I continued. “You know that can of Alpo dog food you have? If I don’t do this, I’ll eat that whole can.”

“Wow… I hope that you’ll do it…” he muttered half in disbelief.

I didn’t really know if I could do it or not, but I was pretty sure “male nun” was not listed among the jobs my career counselor had recommended. The next day, I went to the food courts on campus. I spotted a girl having lunch by herself at one of the circular tables. I bought myself a pretzel and a lemonade and started to walk over. Except… now my feet were nailed to the ground. My heart began to pound like a jackhammer and sweat erupted from my pores. I was paralyzed with fear.

Forty-five minutes later, not only had I finished my pretzel and lemonade, but I had also painfully ingested:

a hot dog

another pretzel

and a pound of sour chewy candy.

My body was frozen like a statue while my innards churned like a sulphur caldron. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, I saw my friend’s can of dog food in my mind’s eye. I could taste its warm mushy texture against my tongue. I could smell the stench of low-grade meat not meant for human consumnption in my nostrils.

Suddenly, my legs began to move of their own accord. They wobbled their way across the vinyl-tiled floors of Ackerman Union to the table where the girl was sitting. I don’t know what I looked like in that moment, but I imagine my body was hunched over, hair matted down, t-shirt soaked with sweat.

“Is it ok if I join you?” I asked sheepishly.

I still remember the nervousness in her voice. “N-noooo… I’m waiting for my b-boyfriend.”

I excused myself, but unexpectedly, I could feel myself standing tall as I walked away. Yes, I had successfully avoided eating animal chow. I repeated this torture the next day, taking only twenty minutes to steel my nerves. By the fourth day, I found myself conversing with a grey-eyed hair stylist I thought was way out of my league. After 45 minutes of chit-chat, she gave me her e-mail and number before actually asking me out!

I’d love to tell you that we went to a late lunch after her shift was over. That we had an incredible connection and she eventually became my girlfriend. And because of her, my confidence soared towards the sky. But that didn’t happen. What did happen was that I called her to cancel because I was too scared to even show up. My self-esteem could only grow so much in 4 days.

So, I continued my mission. After I finished 1 stranger a day for 7 days, I started 2 strangers a day for 7 days.

2 for 7 became 3 for 7.

3 for 7 eventually became 3 for 14 and so on until I reached the monstrous goal of 5 strangers a day for 30 days. Had I started out with 5 for 30, I probably would have given up on the first day. But because I only committed to improving myself 1% at a time, I was able to get a snowball rolling into an avalanche that would turn my life around.

You see, I became more ambitious. I would do things like run for student office in various clubs just for the sake of the challenge. As a side effect, I became my dorm floor president even though I didn’t intend to. Outside of my social life, I started to commit to 1% improvements in everything from health to wealth, and even my sense of fashion.

Not only would I eventually get a girlfriend, but also she would be the one I had my eyes on from the beginning.  The kind of girl I always wanted, but never had the courage to go for.

1% a day may not seem like a lot, but it adds up. Take out your calculators my fellow nerds. If you commit to 1% a day everyday, how long would it take you to become twice the man (or woman) you are today? (Hint: the answer is not 100).

Sometimes trying to achieve a goal 1% at a time will feel like driving in a rainstorm. You can only see a few feet in front of you. But you know what? No matter how far you have to drive, as long as you follow the signs, you’ll eventually get to where you’re going.

//Have you gone from shy guy to social butterfly?  If so, how did you do it?  Please share below.